Thea's Eustache Problem
by LycoX
Summary: Meet Eustache Bubowellu, he's to Thea what Carter Bowen is to Oliver and Tommy! Only, perhaps a lot worse!


**Thea's Eustache Problem**

**Disclaimer: This started as a joke in the Lauriver discord but the more it went on, there was just no way I could leave it alone. Thanks in part to TheWhiteWolf and Ray_Writes!**

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"Thea! Darling! There you are!" Came a voice that instantly made Thea 'Speedy' Queen groan aloud.

Which got a look from not only her boyfriend, Roy 'Abercrombie' Harper, but also their mutual best friend, Sin. "Why God? Why of all days? Why couldn't you have kept me from ever seeing him again?" Muttered Thea, missing the shared look from the other two.

"Somethin' wrong there, Princess?" Sin asked curiously as a well groomed man came up to them.

"Yeah, and he's just arrived." Thea replied sourly.

"Darling! It has been simply _far _too long! Come, we must catch up immediately!"

_Not long enough for my liking._

"In case you haven't noticed, Eustache, I'm with friends right now."

Eyebrows were raised at the name and both owners were wondering who in the Hell names their own son that. Eustache took one look at Roy and Sin and scoffed derisively. "Oh please, you needn't play the saint with me, darling! These two riffrafts are below the likes of you and I!"

"Whoa, buddy, I wouldn't be callin' anybody names when you've got a name like 'Eustache'." Roy told him in annoyance.

"Your parents lose a bet and they had to name you that or somethin'?" Sin asked next.

Eustach scowled at the two as Thea didn't even bother to hide the grin on her lips. "I shall refrain from further interactions with you two disrespectful heathens and instead, focus my attention on my darling future wife here."

A tired sigh escaped Thea as the smile vanished from her face as Roy scowled at the man. "Heathen and proud, Eusty!" Declared Sin snarkily and for good measure, flipped Eustache off.

Earning another scowl from the man in the process. "Eustache, I've told you time and time again, I have absolutely no interest in marrying you. My mother's even repeatedly denied all offers your family's sent our way."

Tsking at Thea sadly, Eustache grabbed her hands and held them in his. "Ohh my sweetest Starling darling, I understand you are nervous of the prospect. Especially when I am such a catch that women flock to me like nothing else but you have my promise that I would only ever have eyes for you! As after all, we are simply the most perfect beings in all of Creation! God's absolute finest! The new Adam and Eve you could say."

Unable to stop herself, Thea rolled her eyes as Roy and Sin scoffed. "Man, you are full of yourself, Eusty." Sin declared with a shake of the head

"Its amazing you can even move thanks to how much s**t you're filled with." Roy added next and smirked at the angry look from Eustache.

"I've seen scarier looks than that from Drag Queens, the Arrow, and the Canary. So you're gonna want to try harder."

"I don't know, Roy, that would require some actual thought and effort on his part."

"THEA!" Gasped the unwanted man in a scandalized manner.

Utterly appalled she would lower herself to these ruffians' standards! "No, Eustach, just leave, okay? I'm enjoying my time with my boyfriend and our mutual best friend."

Another gasp, one mixed with indignation and disbelief and perhaps some scandalizing came from ol' Eustache as he looked at Roy. Who just stared back with an unimpressed look on his face. Even wrapping an arm around Thea as well. "You… How… What madness is this!? How can you be with such a waste when I am the superior!?"

"Oh, I don't know… Maybe because he's got a lot more going for him than you ever have?"

"I sincerely doubt that, my darling! As after all, can he create money from nothing!?"

"Umm… No. But since I am a Queen and have money of my own, I don't really care about money." She told him honestly.

And continued on seconds later. "With Roy and I, its not about money or status like you and some others are into, Eustache. With us, its about real things like our feelings for one another." She told him before looking to Roy with a loving look on her face.

Being kissed by her boyfriend in return as Sin watched on with a smile on her face and Eustache… Well… He just wasn't happy about the whole thing. "This… This Ruffian has somehow corrupted you, my darling Starling! And so, I challenge you to a duel for her hand!"

Roy raised his eyebrows and looked at Thea before looking to Sin. "Did I hear him right?"

"Yeah, man, you did."

"Oh how I wish it wasn't the case." Grumbled Thea.

Really wishing the idiot would just leave! _Maybe I'll ask Oliver if he can suit up and visit the ass?_

After all, it was the least he could do after lying to her so much about certain things! "You know, I've been in a lot of fights but I've never exactly been in a duel. Is there any differences I should be aware of?"

"You know, you raise a good point there, Abercrombie. I mean, the rich really do things different than us lowly normal types."

A wink from Sin to Thea showed she wasn't including her in that. Roy considered that for a moment though it might have not actually been actual consideration. "Sin, you are absolutely right. I mean, for all I know, I probably have to spin around three times and say something ridiculous before uhh… "Dueling"."

Eustache's eye twitched a little as the two friends went on about what was possibly required in a duel brought on by a rich person as Thea found herself greatly amused by the whole thing. Even throwing in a thing or two here and there. "ENOUGH!" Roared out a red faced Eustache and stopping the trio from further discussing things as they looked to him.

"I and my fellow Elite shall not be made a mockery of! Thea you should know better than this as a ruling member of the Eli-!"

The red faced Eustache was helpfully cut off by Roy's fist to his face. Sending him to the ground out cold. "I guess I won that challenge?"

"My hero!" Thea told him with a smile before kissing him.

"You know, all that made me kinda hungry." Sin remarked.

"Lunch is on me then. And I'll even tell you two all about how Eustache Bubuwello ended up becoming my own version of Carter Bowen. Except worse."

_Much, much worse._

And with that, the trio made their leave, not bothering to spare Eustache's knocked out self a glance as they did so.

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**Author's Notes: Well, that was enjoyable! I may use the character again at some point.**


End file.
